Reformation of family life -- 1

Islamic Upbringing of Children

These are summary of lecture series @ Islamic Center of Fremont, CA
by Mufti Muddassir Owais.

1. Upbringing does not mean harshness.

2. Reprimand your children without harshness.

3. Make a lot of dua for your children. This is an important aspect of
upbringing.

4. Become a role model for your children. Change yourself first.

5. Repercussions of sins/disobedience is that Allah Most High
removes the respect/dignity of elders from the hearts of youngers.

6. Try your utmost to abstain from sin and disobedience of Allah Most
High, seek a lot of forgiveness, make a lot of istighfar.

7. Do the upbringing focussing on the hereafter.

8. Upbringing in its intrinsic nature has to be done gradually
and consistently.

9. Upbringing has two aspects -- Planning and Patience.

10. Guard yourself against cursing your children.

Beautiful advice....

Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (ra) in his letter of advice to his son, wrote:

Know, dear son, that days are but hours, and hours are but breaths, and every soul is a container, hence let not any breath pass without any benefit, such as on the Day of Judgment you find an empty container and feel regret! Be aware of every hour and how it passes, and only spend it in the best possible way; do not neglect yourself, but render it accustomed to the noblest and best of actions, and send to your grave that which will please you when you arrive to it."

This world is transitory and our life therein but a moment borrowed, our breaths numbered, yet our indifference reckless. [Abu Bakr al Siddiq]

Strive for Paradise. A small nook within its bliss is better than the whole world and all the riches within. [al Hadith]

A believer is never tired of hearing about good deeds until he enters Paradise. [al Hadith]

Pearls of Wisdom 411

1. Nothing will work until you do. Every noble work at first is impossible.

2. To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to do it, is the key to happiness.

3. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

4. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.

5. The one thing that over comes hard luck is hard work.

6. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

7. The best prize life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.

8. Sometimes it takes a disaster to wake us up and make us realize the blessings we have.

9. Too often it takes a direct confrontation with one's mortality to learn the value of the
limited time we have on earth.

10. Many of us believe that time is money. Time isn't money; time is everything. The way
we spend our time is what our life is all about.

Lesson of the day 1418

Ayahs of the Day:
If you avoid the great sins which you are forbidden, WE will remit from you your evil deeds, and make you enter a Gate of Honor. And do not covet the things in which Allah has made some of you excel others. To men is allotted a share of what they earn, and to women a share of what they earn, (Do not fall prey to envy), but ask Allah of His bounty. For Allah has
full knowledge of all things. [4: 31,32]

Hadith of the Day: 
The most excellent worship is expectation of relief. [Tirmidhi]

Wise Quote of the Day:
You can't separate peace from freedom, because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom. [Malcolm X]

Guidance of the Day: 
The root cause of all of the diseases of the heart is love of the temporal world and self satisfaction. The source of every disobedience, indifference, and passion is self satisfaction. The source of every obedience, vigilance, and virtue is dissatisfaction with one's self. It is better for you to keep company with an ignorant man dissatisfied with himself than to keep company with a learned man satisfied with himself. For what knowledge is there in a self satisfied scholar? And what ignorance is there in an unlearned man dissatisfied with himself?

There are three signs of being overly content with the soul. First is being sensitive to one's own rights and indifferent to the rights of others. In Islam, one's responsibilities preponderate over one's rights. The second is ignoring one's faults, as if he has none, while being preoccupied with the faults of others. A contented eye does not see faults. The third sign is giving oneself too much leniency. [Purification of the Heart]

Food for Thought: 
An educated person learns from all ages, even from the last minutes of his life, he accepts and understands his own mortality and its reasons. he understands that without death and aging nothing would have any meaning.

Secrets of Success....

When I woke up this morning I asked myself;
What are some of the secrets of success in life?

I found the answer right there in my room;

The fan said; Be cool.
The roof said; Aim high.

The window said; See the world.
The clock said; Every minute is precious.

The mirror said; Reflect before you react.
The door said; Push hard for you goals.

And don't forget, the carpet said;
Kneel down and pray.

Have a beautiful day!

Pearls of Wisdom 410

1.People look at secondary causes and think they are the origin of everything
that happens, but it has been revealed to the saints that secondary causes
are no more than a veil.

2. Each and every part of the world is a snare for the fool, and a means of
deliverance for the wise.

3. When patience and intellect go, your ego incites to evil.

4. The sensual ego is blind and deaf to God.

5. Things become clear through their opposites. God created suffering
and heartache so that joyful-heart might appear through its opposite.

6. No opposite can be known without its opposite. Having suffered a
blow, you will know a caress.

7. Everything is good and perfect in relation to God. For example; in a
king's realm there are prisons, gallows, robes of honor, estates, banquets,
etc. In relation to the king, everything is good.

8. Knowledge and wisdom exist to distinguish the right from the wrong,
if everything were the right way, the wisdom would be useless.

9. Commands are only proper if the act which is commanded is disliked
by him who is commanded to perform it. Like wise, it is not proper to prohibit
things which man dislikes. You cannot say; "Do not eat stones and thorns,"
and if you say it, it is not a prohibition. [Spiritual Teachings of Rumi]

Lesson of the day 1417

Ayah of the Day: 
The acts of those who repudiate their Lord are like ash blown violently by the wind on a stormy day.
They have no control over any thing they have earned, that is the outlandish error. [14: 18]

Hadith of the Day: 
Do not hate or envy one another. Instead, be slaves to Allah and brothers. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Wise Quote of the Day: 
Understanding is what makes relationships. Many a spoken word is more piercing than an attack.
[Ali radi Allah anhu]

Guidance of the Day:
Stay away from debt in your personal life. Debt, not poverty, is the greatest enemy of financial
well-being and peace of mind. There are massive forces arrayed in the world to tell you of the
great benefits of debt. They will tell you that by borrowing you establish your legitimacy in the
eyes of lenders, and that you can have tomorrow's pleasures at today's prices.

They will present arguments and inducements that are convincing and seductive. They dress
debt in a suit and call it credit. But it all comes down to the same thing: You have mortgaged
your future to pay for your present, and this is something you don't ever want to do. Debt can
 make you money because it allows you to invest. Debt can help you in the present and leave
your problems for what you hope will be a better time in the future.

But debt defines your future, and when your future is defined, hope begins to die. You have
committed your life to making money to pay for your past. Stay away from debt if you can.
There is no sadder sight than the person with dreams and promise whose eyes have dulled
 and whose days are spent pushing the heavy wheel of debt toward an endless horizon.
[Simple Truths by Kent Nerburn]

Food for Thought:
Be careful what you wish for. The faculties of humanity were not given in order to gain
worldly life like an animal.

Purification....

 

Pearls of Wisdom 409

1. Be joyous only for an increase in knowledge or in good works, for they are your
two companions who will accompany you in your grave when your family, wealth,
children, and friends stay behind. [Imam al Ghazali]

2. Every attribute that appears in the heart leaves traces on the limbs, and every action
of the limbs can leave traces in the heart, so the relationship is reciprocal. [Zafar Othmani]

3. The quality of our supplication (dua) depends upon the purity of our hearts, for it is
with our hearts that we connect to God. [Imam Mohammad Magid]

4. If you remember death and prepare for its coming, you will know endless joy when
death arrives, whereas if you are complacent and procrastinate, death will come to you
at an unforeseen moment and you will know regrets without end. [Imam al Ghazali]

5. Each of your breaths is a priceless jewel, can never be retrieved. Do not be like the
deceived fools who are joyous because of an increase in their wealth while their life
shortens. [Imama al Haddad]

6. The disobedience that begets humility and broken heartedness is better than the
obedience that begets honor and pride. [Ibn Ata'Allah]

7. Whoever truly follow the Prophet (peace be upon him) do not have their own
choice in matters. Rather, nothing stirs in their hearts except that which Allah and
His messenger love. [Sahl al Tustari]

8. Be with the people in such a way that if you should die, they weep for you; and if
you live, they long for you. [Ali radi Allah anhu]

9. If you do not believe that God can take you at this moment and make you one of
His saintly believers (awliya), then you are ignorant of His power. [Ibn Ata'Allah]

10. Be not content with the stories of those who went before you -- go forth and create
your own story. [Maulana Rumi]

Family, place of forgiveness....

There is no perfect  family. We do not have perfect parents, we are not perfect,
we do not marry a perfect person or have perfect children. We have complaints
from each other. We disappoint each other.

As such there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of
forgiveness.Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival.
Without forgiveness the family becomes an arena of conflict and a stronghold
of hurt.

Without forgiveness, the family becomes ill. Forgiveness is the strength of the soul,
the cleansing of the mind and the liberation of the heart. Whoever does not forgive
does not have peace in the soul nor communion with God. Hurt is poison that
intoxicates and kills.

Keeping heartache in the heart is a self destructive gesture. Those who do not
forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.

That is why the family must be a place of life, not of death; Territory of cure and
not of illness; Stage of forgiveness and not of guilt.

Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has produced sadness; Healing, where sorrow
has caused disease.

Lesson of the day 1416

Ayahs of the day:
To God belongs the East and the West; and wheresoever you turn, there is the presence
of God. For God is omnipresent and omniscient. [2: 115]

Hadith of the day:
Anyone who shows the way to something good has the same reward as the person who
does it. [Muslim]

Wise quote of the day:
Give priority to the Hereafter over this world, because you will then gain both of them
together. [Shaykh Abdul Qadir Jilani]

Guidance of the day:
God revealed religion out of His mercy, because we need it and cannot be truly human
without it. Only those who have passed through the trials of religious experience are
worthy of eternal happiness and will be distinguished in the Hereafter.

True religion is the assemblage of Divine Revelations and Divine Laws by which we can
know bliss in this world and the next. Our peace and happiness depend upon leading a
religious life, for only through religion can the Law be observed in all the inner and outer
spheres of our existence. Only religion makes it possible for us to deserve Paradise and
the vision of God. Such achievements are beyond the power of every human-made
civilization, regardless of how advanced they are. [M. Fethullah Gulen]

Food for thought:
So little done; so much to do. Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed,
nothing else can be managed. Don't simply retire from something, have something
to retire to.

Pearls of Wisdom 408

1. Live with heart, body, and soul for today only, without dwelling upon the past
and without being anxious for the future.

2. Being preoccupied with the past and dragging past woes into present -- these are
the signs of an unstable and unsound mind.

3. Idleness is destructive, and most people who suffer from worries and anxieties
are the same people who are idle and inactive.

4. Rumors and gossip are the only dividends for those that are bankrupt of
meaningful and fruitful work.

5. Do what is right, and turn your back to every vulgar criticism.

6. Forbearance buries the faults, tolerance is superior, silence conquers the
enemy, and forgiveness is honor for which we shall be rewarded.

7. When facing criticism or unjust rebuke, those who have sensitive feelings
must pour a certain amount of coolness into their nerves by force.

8. Forbearance in the times of distress is the path to both success and happiness.

9. Higher goals are not achieved through dreaming or fantasizing; they can only
be reached through dedication and commitment.

10. Hardships strengthen our heart, atones for our sins, and helps to suppress
an inclination towards pride and haughtiness.

Thanksgiving is the gratitude we need to develop....

1. "Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you." Eileen Caddy

2. "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust

3. "Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude." Ralph Waldo Emerson

4. "Perhaps you went to bed last night thinking about the overdue bills, the lack of finances, the problematic people and situations you have to face. This morning you woke up. Did you give thanks? If you didn't, it is probably because you forgot that when praise goes up, the blessings come down. That should be enough to inspire you to be thankful." Iyanla Vanzant

5. "Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings." Elizabeth Gilbert

6. "Gratitude is like a magnet; the more grateful you are, the more you will receive to be grateful for."  Iyanla Vanzant

7. "The struggle ends when gratitude begins.” Neale Donald Walsch

8. "Real love is opening your heart to the unlovable. Real gratitude is giving thanks when things aren't perfect. Real generosity is sharing when you have very little. Real courage makes the 'impossible' --possible, with real faith." Bryant McGill

9. "I would like to thank every single person who has ever been unkind to me.  You taught me to be even kinder to others." Steven Aitchison

10."When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow." Shauna Niequist

11. "There will always be people in your life who treat you wrong. Be sure to thank them for making you strong."  Zig Ziglar

12. "Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life."Jack Canfield

13. "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are."Marianne Williamson

14. "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." Meister Eckhart

15. "The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” -- Dalai Lama

16. "Happy are those who take life day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life." Unknown Author

17. "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust

18. "When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day." Paulo Coelho

19. "Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” Maya Angelou

20. "The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” Henry Ward Beecher

Understanding Jihad....

1. Jihad is the struggle to remove all those things from one's life that incur Allah's displeasure, and to replace them with those things that will gain His acceptance.

2. Jihad is the struggle against one's inner self and it's bestial inclinations. It is this struggle, in fact, which the Prophet of Islam (Allah's blessings and peace upon him) dubbed "the greater jihad."

3. Jihad is the struggles against the villains in our hearts which include: arrogance, avarice, pettiness, selfishness, jealousy, greed, self-delusions, and vain passions.

4. Jihad is the struggle to replace the villains in our hearts with goodly traits, such as mercy, honor, humbleness, generosity, gentleness, dignity, love, and other qualities that are aptly described as "heavenly."

5. Jihad is the struggle to fulfill the rights and responsibilities of one's family as well as those who are close, such as neighbors and relatives, to make sure that one does not harm them either with his hand or tongue.

6. Jihad is the struggle to forgive the wrongs of others, to overlook their misgivings, and hide their faults.

7. Jihad is the struggle to help the needy, the orphan, the widow, and the homeless by sacrificing our wealth.

8. Jihad is to show love and gentleness to our young ones, and respect and dignity to our elders.

9. Jihad is to protect the honor and property of every single member of society, whether man or woman.

10. Jihad is the struggle to speak out against injustice, to help the victims of oppressions, to ensure that everyone is given just measure, regardless of gender, ethnicity, or religion.

11. Jihad is to submit our will to Our Creator, thereby achieving peace and unity with the rest of the cosmos in celebrating His Majesty and Glory.

12. Jihad is ultimately that struggle in which we are willing to give our lives in the name of Allah so that these ideals will endure and bring peace and justice to countless others, thus truly bringing the harmony of the heavens down the earth.

Lesson of the day 1415

Ayahs of the day:
And do not insult what they pray to besides God, lest they revile God in a hostile way, without knowledge. Thus do We make every people's actions seem charming to them; but then their return will be to their Lord, who will inform them of what they had been doing. [6: 108]

Hadith of the day:
Whoever desires that Allah increase his provision and extend his life, let him maintain his family ties. [Bukhari]

Wise quote of the day:
O my people prove the sincerity of your respect for the Qur'an by putting its teachings into practice, not by arguing about it. [Shaykh Abdul Qadir Jilani]

Guidance of the day:
The essence of gratitude is for the servant to know that all the favors in his possession, outward as well as inward, are from God and by His grace and munificence. It is part of gratitude to rejoice and to thank in the presence of favors because they are the means to work in God's obedience and attain to His proximity.

It is part of gratitude to busy oneself with God's obedience, use His favors as a help in doing so, and use them as God likes them to be used - this is the utmost gratitude. One should not become arrogant, boast before others of the blessings he has been granted, transgress, wrong others, or overstep the limits in dealing with them. He who does so has not been thankful, but has denied God's favors. Denial leads to dispossession and to one's blessings being changed into afflictions. He who shows gratitude deserves goodness and increase. [Counsels of Religion by Imam al-Haddad]

Food for thought:
Marriage, like money is still with us, and, like money, progressively devalued. In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.The bonds of matrimony are like any other bond -- they come slowly.

Wonderfully described definitions...

*CIGARETTE:*
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

*MARRIAGE:*
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master

*LECTURE:*
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes
of students
without passing through the minds of either

*CONFERENCE:* 
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

*COMPROMISE:*
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

*TEARS:*
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine
water-power!

*DICTIONARY:*
A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.

*CONFERENCE ROOM:*
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees
later on

*CLASSIC:*
A book which people praise, but never read

*SMILE:*
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

*ETC:* 
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

*COMMITTEE:* 
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing
can be done together

*EXPERIENCE:*
The name men give to their Mistakes

*ATOM BOMB:* 
An invention to bring an end to all inventions

*DIPLOMAT:*
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look
 forward to the trip

*OPPORTUNIST:*
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

*MISER:*
A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

*FATHER:*
A banker provided by nature

*CRIMINAL:*
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

*BOSS:*
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

*POLITICIAN:* 
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence
Later

*DOCTOR:* 
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!

What we can learn from a donkey....

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have - Avoid "Israf" (extravagance, waste).
4. Give more - Charity purifies the soul.
5. Expect less from people but more from yourself -  Practice "Ihsan" (perfect goodness).
____
Source: haqislam.org

Pearls of Wisdom 407

1. There is a big difference between having a good time, and having time to be good.

2. A credit card adds to your credit; but adds even more to your creditors.

3. A truth told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.

4. Friendship is a living thing that lasts as long as it is nourished with kindness, sympathy,
and understanding.

5. True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice.

6. Discussion is an exchange of knowledge. Argument is an exchange of ignorance.

7. Tell your child to lie for you, and your child will learn to lie to you.

8. A good leader takes a little more than his share of blame, and a little less than his share
of credit.

9. The pursuit of happiness is the wrong goal. You don't become happy by pursuing
happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.

10. One human being is no human being. None of us can truly be human in isolation.
The qualities that make us human emerge only in the ways we relate to other people.

Lesson of the day 1414

Ayahs of the Day:
Say, "Travel the earth and see how those before you ended up; most of them were idolaters." so set your aim for true religion before there comes a day from God that cannot be averted -- on that day they will be divided. [30: 42,43]

Hadith of the Day:
The one who is unthankful for whatever little he gets will not become thankful when he is given a lot. [Ahmad]

Wise Quote of the Day:
You disobey Him using His favors, yet disobedience does not make Him withhold His favors. How can you love other than this Generous God? Or how could you disobey this Compassionate Lord? [Imam al-Haddad]

Guidance of the Day:
Are you dedicated to your development physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually? Dedicate yourself above all else to becoming the-best-version-of-yourself. It is the best thing you can do for your spouse, your children, your friends, your colleagues, your employees, your employer, your nation, your family, and yourself. The best thing you can do is to become the-best-version-of yourself, because it is doing with a purpose. Embrace your essential purpose. Celebrate your best self. [Kelly, The Rhythm of Life]

Food for Thought:
Every new day begins with possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. Think in terms of day's resolutions, not the year's. To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy -- is to set our own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them.

Acceptance and Surrender....

Acceptance

1. When we don't accept an undesired event, it becomes anger;
when we accept it, it becomes tolerance.

2. When we don't accept uncertainty, it becomes fear;
when we accept it, it becomes adventure.

3. When we don't accept bad behavior of others towards us, it becomes
hatred; when we accept it, it becomes forgiveness.

4. When we don't accept success of others, it becomes jealousy;
when we accept it, it becomes inspiration.

Surrender

1. When we are wrong and we surrender, it means we are
honest.

2. When we are in doubt and we surrender, it means we are
wise.

3. When we are right and we surrender, it means we value
our relations.