Sunday, March 17, 2019

Practical Advice on Parenting....

Dalia Magahed

I often get asked for advice about how to parent rebellious
teenagers by struggling parents. I'am usually like "please
let me know when you find out."

So what I'm about to share is from the deepest part of humility.
It's hard as hell. But there are a few thoughts on the matter,
things that have helped me and that I've observed in the lives
of others.

1. Know this: your kids are separate human beings, not a
reflection of you. They are not trophies. They cannot be
extensions of your ambitions, unfulfilled dreams or to make
up for what you failed to achieve. They don't exist to be
your fulfillment. They are servants of God. Allow them their
individual dreams, personalities, goals.

2. Even if they don't tell you, you are still their first and
biggest example. Be a person they can respect and
admire without being shamed into doing so. Work on
yourself so that the kind of man or woman you wish them
to grow up to be would look up to someone like you. Be
a role model. Be kind, generous and patient if that's what
you'd like for them. Call your parents. Cook for your sick
friend. They will do what you do, not what you say.

3. Humans have at least three essential needs: security,
belonging and purpose. They will find and fulfill these
needs, or numb the unfulfillment of them, one way or
another. If the home doesn't provide a safe space to be
who they are and be loved, they will find that elsewhere.
If the home and the mosque isn't a place of belonging,
they will find that elsewhere. If they have no sense of
purpose other than avoiding punishment, they will
search for it elsewhere or numb it's absence.

4. Your kids will likely disappoint you on occasion, or a
lot. Refer to point number one. You can do everything
perfectly and you still won't have perfect kids. It's not
your fault. Prophets had kids who rebelled. It doesn't
mean you failed. They are not an extension of you.
They have agency. We are only accountable for our
intentions and actions, not the way others behave,
even our kids. Don't indulge in self flagellation.

5. If your kids are perfect, praise the Lord, not yourself.
Don't take credit. Children are a gift, like health or wealth.
Those who say "it's because of my own effort" weren't
dealt kindly in the Quran. Don't feel superior to another
parent who is struggling anymore than you should look
down on a person with less money than you. God gives
to who He pleases. It's not a sign of your awesomeness.
It's a sign of His generosity.

Saturday, March 09, 2019

Lesson of the day 1421

Ayah of the Day 
When My servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed (close to them), I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on me. Let them also, with a will, listen to My call, and believe in Me. That they may walk in the right way. (2: 186)

Hadith of the Day
If you were to rely on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning hungry and return in the evening full. (Tirmidhi).

Wise Quote of the Day 
If someone's state does not lift you up, and his words do not lead you to Allah, then do not keep his company. (Ibn ata Illah)

Guidance of the Day 
Ramadan is a merciful portal of time that opens and then closes, and none of us know whether or not we will see another Ramadan. So seize the moment to gain God's mercy, forgiveness and salvation. There is no capital more worthy of our concern and effort than this.

The time between late afternoon and sunset is a special time for Dhikr. Asr time is the signaling of the end of another day we have been blessed to see, the sunset signifies the end of a life time. Ramadan is an exceptional opportunity to cleanse our hearts of the diseases of them. Recitation of the Quran during Ramadan is especially effective in reviving one's relationship with the book of God. (Purification of the heart)

Food for thought
The beauty of life does not depend on how happy we are, but how happy others can be because of us.

Saturday, March 02, 2019

Pearls of Wisdom 402

1. Try to gladden the hearts of believers in every possible way, as long as
these ways are not sinful.

2. A man of bad character punishes his own soul.

3. The straight path is the shortest distance between the two points.

4. To advice others is an easy matter, the difficulty is accepting advice, since it is bitter for those who follow their own inclinations and desires.

5. If men wish to draw near to God, they must seek Him in the hearts of the men. They should speak well of all men, whether present or absent.

6. Know that you should reflect on God's complete awareness of you, and His seeing and knowing all about you.

7. Islam will prevent us from sins, or sins will prevent us from Islam.

8. The spiritual warrior is the one who breaks an idol, and the idol of each person is his ego.

9. The lower self is greedy, teach it to be content.

10. Do not fix hopes on your health, and do not laugh away life. Remember how they walked and now their joints lie separately and the tongue with which they talked is eaten away by the worms.